Tuesday, 27 December 2016

'But you don't look ill'

(Picture from google)

Mental health, something that is not talked about enough. It can make you feel alone, terrified and like your whole world is falling apart.

I have suffered with anxiety since I was 12 and everyday is a battle for me. It's definitely a case of some days are better than others. In my adult years it seems to rear its ugly head severely every six months. It's there every day but in the past few years I have finally learnt how to control it to a certain extent. Having my children played a huge part in this. Suddenly you don't have time to think about yourself and for me this is a good thing, finding a distraction really helps. I don't have time to let anxiety creep in and its only when I stop that it now occasionally creeps in.

In regards to symptoms mine range from feeling sick to feeling like I am not in my body. Anxiety can do some truly terrifying things and for a long time I could not understand why or that it was possible that it was anxiety causing me to feel so bad.

As a child my anxiety was over worrying, A LOT but as an adult it got worse. When I first met my husband I was having severe panic attacks, I still remember the first one I ever had. I had just got home from work and bang it was instant. I couldn't breath, my chest was getting tighter and tighter the room was spinning and I thought I was dying. An ambulance was called and that's when I was first told I had just had a panic attack. JUST had?! Like it was nothing,that what had just happened was a walk in the park. Until you experience a panic attack there really is no real way of explaining it.

There is help out there though and I am very lucky to have a supportive husband (who has had to put up with a lot) family and friends. The most important thing to remember is that anxiety does not control you, you control it. I very much have the mind set that I will not let it control my life but believe me I know this is easier said than done. 

What helped me is speaking to other people, you will be so surprised how many people are going through the same thing. Opening up and saying how you feel, getting it off your chest really helps. I have to be honest my old doctors surgery where less than helpful and it took months of pushing them to give me access to services like CBT courses.  

I could write and write about this subject as it is a passion of mine. If you are reading this and going through the above or anything else related to anxiety all I can say is that it does get better. Anxiety will always be in my life but I will not let it win. I want to be able to look back at my life and say that I enjoyed it and not that anxiety took that away.

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