So let me start by giving a bit of a back story about my pregnancy with Isabelle, my first born. I was incredibly luckily to have a smooth and straight forward pregnancy all the way up to 38 weeks and 5 days (yes I remember the exact number of day). I went for a routine check with my midwife and the mood in the room changed, you could see in her face she was concerned. My blood pressure had sky rocketed.
I was sent immediately to the hospital to have further tests carried out. The baby was still totally happy and I had no protein in my urine or any other signs of pre-eclampsia. I was therefore advised it was 'just one of those things'. I was sent home and told that I had to come back every day to have my blood pressure checked and also to be hooked up to the monitors. I remember spending our 1st wedding anniversary hooked up and hearing her heartbeat and wishing that I would just go into labour so that there were no more worries. It was decided that if I had not gone into labour by my due date I would be induced.
On the evening of the 4th June (the evening before my due date) I did my usual routine of sitting in front of the TV bouncing away on my birthing ball before dragging myself up to bed at 10pm. At 1am I suddenly woke and found myself sat bolt up right in bed. Something wasn't right and I wasn't sure what. I went to the bathroom for a wee and I was spotting blood. After going back into our bedroom I felt like I was still losing something (this later turned out to be my back waters). I called the hospital and was told to go straight in considering what had been happening with my blood pressure.
The ride to the hospital is only twenty minutes away but it felt like hours. I was consumed with anxiety and felt like I was going to totally lose it at the thought of what was about to happen. When we got to the hospital I still wasn't in any pain and was shocked to discover I was already 4 cm's dilated! As soon as the midwife walked away the pain started and oh my Christ they came fast and strong. I remember standing in the corridor while I was still allowed to move around and I was on the phone to my parents. The pain was so strong I couldn't get my words out to tell them the baby was coming.
I was quickly moved to a room to deliver the baby. I had still had no pain relieve as none had been offered. I then asked if I could have gas and air which took an age for them to sort out. Then I lost it, and I don't mean a few screams I mean I lost all control over my body, my voice I was gone. I had the classic I can't do this breakdown I just wanted to go home. It was then time to push which I was actually quite happy about as at least this meant it was coming to an end at that it was nearly time to meet our baby. At this point my front waters finally went and exploded all over the poor midwife. This is when it all went wrong. They asked if I minded having an episotomy, I said no which I would later regret as I was left with a third degree tear after the baby was born.
I find this next part still to this day pretty hard to talk about let alone write. Isabelle was finally born and the happiness and love was over whelming. Unfortunately this was short lived. The emergency button was pressed and I had only been holding Isabelle for a few minutes when Phill was told to take her. I was losing blood very quickly and they couldn't determine if it was coming from inside or from the tear. I was taken to theatre and given an epidural and after what felt like hours I finally heard the words the bleeding seems to have stabilised. I don't remember much after this but later learnt that my womb was full of clots which had to be cleared out.
It felt like an eternity that I was away from my husband and I just wanted to hold our new baby and have that crucial skin to skin time. Finally we were reunited and everything that had just happened was forgotten. The next day I was found to be severely anaemic and I couldn't even walk myself to the toilet without collapsing, my legs where like jelly. Later that day I was asked to sign a consent form as it had been decided that I needed two blood transfusions. Suddenly the anxiety was back the magnitude of what had happened hit me like a ton of bricks. I was so thankful that I was ok and that I had a beautiful daughter but I just wanted to go home, begin being a mummy and try and forget everything that had happened.
I will always be grateful to those who give blood, it meant I was able to go home the next day (or maybe it was the fact that I was asking every five minutes). I was still very poorly but the blood transfusions were a start in the right direction and I was sent home with a high does of iron tablets for the next 6 months. What I should mention next is that through out my labour and after I had delivered my blood pressure was still high, not as high as it had been but for the 3 months after having Isabelle I was in and out of the doctors.
The third degree tear was the final issue to over come and I saw some amazing physios for this who helped so much. I would say it was a good six months before I felt normal again.
I will end with this, I would go through all of the above again in a heart beat because all of it can be forgotten. Your body heals, your memory fades and you are left with such a precious gift that none of it matters.