Tuesday, 8 August 2017

Am I strong enough? Self Doubt





Today was hard. Now that the children are asleep and I am sat in a quite house I'm not sure how I continued to carry on. I feel fear, I feel ill and I feel exhausted. 

Life will always throw obstacles but it's how you deal with it that matters. Most can resolve what ever it is and move on with their life. I however make myself ill with how much I let things consume me. 

Today was another example of this. Something unexpectedly happened and although I dealt with it well at the time, hours later I started to shake and the room was spinning. Then that dreaded feeling washed over me. Panic. I wanted to give in, I wanted to let it just do whatever it wanted to me so that it would be over. But no, I fought it. I pushed the feelings away and did whatever it took to not let it consume me. 

Over the past year I have started to notice that stress is affecting my anxiety more and more. The two just go hand in hand together. I find myself thinking am I strong enough to be a wife, a mother or a friend? When anxiety is my life is there enough room for everything else?




If you saw me today you wouldn't have been able to tell, as usual I put my face on and pushed through the day. What I hate is that it is hard enough to receive bad news or to go through a difficult situation but then I get a second kick to the stomach when my anxiety replays everything. It's like a double attack. 

I have been lacking in confidence recently. I have been finding it harder and harder to speak to people and to break out of my comfort zone that my anxiety puts me in. I have had to remove myself from certain friendships and situations purely because they were having a negative impact on my life. A few years ago I would never have done this but I have to do what is right for me. I can only have supportive, character boosting, loving people around me. 


The fear is setting in of waking up tomorrow and that well known feeling of panic suddenly hitting. I need to remember that it is not in control, I am. All I can do is stay true to myself and continue to fight this.  Today was bad but that's exactly what is was a bad day, everyone has them whether it is anxiety related or not. 























21 comments:

  1. Well done for fighting through it. You are strong enough. You've just proved it x

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  2. fighting through it just shows how strong you are, bad days are there but my goodness when the good ones come you soon forget about them xx love to you

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  3. I know this feeling well, the best way i could describe it to someone was if i was in an lift and it suddenly dropped. That awful feeling you get in your stomach, that, all the time! Good on you for fighting through!

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  4. I know that feeling. I always try and remember that yes bad days happen, but they aren't every day. Some days I walk around and there's clouds above my head and I can't see up, but some days there's a clear sky. Keep on fighting and do whatever you need to do to help.

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    1. That's very true, it's very hard to see the clear sky sometimes x

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  5. This hits home with me so much. I suffer from severe anxiety and panic disorder and days like this are regular for me. All we can do is fight, you have a 100% success rate in getting through everything else so you can get through anything because you ARE strong. Always here if you need an ear or a shoulder xx

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  6. I think everyone, particularly mums will be able to relate to this post. I know I can, being able to pinpoint what is causing your stress and anxiety is a brilliant thing and you're taking it that step further and sharing it with everyone, it's bound to help others out there who maybe can't analyse a situation in the way you can. Like others have said, powering through proves how strong you are, and that itself should give you a boost in self-confidence. x

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  7. You are definitely strong enough!! I related to so much in this post, self doubt is the worst xx

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  8. So sorry you're struggling with this. I hope things get easier soon - you ARE strong enough, every day that passes proves that xo

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    2. Yes I need to remember that, thank you x

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  9. Well done for getting through the day. Your strength is amazing!

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  10. I'm sorry your going through this. I hope you start to believe in yourself more soon and that anxiety becomes a thing of the past for you ((hugs))

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