The answer for me is no, it will always be with me. I still don't think I have ever really come to terms with the fact that I could have died. I look back on Charlie's birth with such happiness but with Isabelle's what happened over shadows that this was the day I became a Mummy. I do feel like I have blocked it out and for some this may work but for me it has been slowly eating away at me for five years. I also think because her birth was so quick, I never gave myself chance to understand what actually happened.
I have written about Isabelle's birth story which you can find here. I do fully explain what happened in that post so it might be worth reading that first.
I can still remember how utterly terrified I felt and how it was both the best and the worst time of my life. I can't bear to hear the word haemorrhage it sends a shiver down my spine. I had that moment of feeling like this is it, I have brought our baby into the world and now I won't be around to actually be her Mummy. At the time my husband never let on to how severe the situation was. As we approached the birth of Charlie we found ourselves going back to Isabelle's birth and for the first time he opened up. I could tell he was just as scared as me that it could happen again. Not to be overly graphic but all he could say about Isabelle's birth was the amount of blood that he saw in that room.