Monday, 25 September 2017

Potty Training, second time round

Potty training first time round with Isabelle was a breeze. I think a lot of it was purely down to luck but she was fully potty trained by the time she was two and a half. She just took to it like a duck to water and we had hardly any accidents during the day or night. She was brilliant and took it all in her stride.

This time round though, things have been a little more interesting to say the least. Charlie turned three at the start of September and I have tried since the start of the year to begin potty training him but to no avail. Every time it was brought up he would get very upset and would beg for a nappy to be put back on. Moving the nappies to some where he couldn't find them didn't work as he would get hysterical. I just took this as a sign he still wasn't ready and we moved on from it. I tried again over the summer holidays but I would still get the same reaction. 

Last Monday I tried again, we had hardly anything on so for the most part we stayed at home. As soon as he realised what I was trying to do again he got upset but I persevered and I did my best to take his mind off of it while still trying to do what was needed. Everyday however was the same, he would hold it in all day until late afternoon and he would have an accident. Of course I gave him constant reminders and reassurance but he kept telling me he didn't need to go. It does seem he doesn't like the potty as he just won't sit on it. I have tried him on the toilet on a child's toilet seat which he would sit on but then quickly asked to get off.

This week again I have purposely not planned much so that we can stay in and try and turn a corner with it. I know I shouldn't but I do feel the pressure that he is now three and he is starting pre school in January. A friend of mine has suggested if I can get get him to sit on the potty then I can give him bubbles to blow so he's sat on it but so he's distracted at the same time. I will definitely try this and I am open to other suggestions on how to help him.

I think it does make things harder when the first child has done something so quickly/found it easier but I really don't think children should be compared especially not siblings. I know we will get there and he will do it when he's good and ready. If you have an tips or advice for us it would be greatly appreciated. 

Monday, 18 September 2017

Why I've been quiet

Depression, it can be brewing in the background for weeks or it can just slap you in the face when you least expect it. This time it came out of no where and boy has it hit me hard. The unbelievable sadness that cannot be explained and that also cannot just be fixed so easily as I wish it could. Feeling so hopeless and clinging on to this ride that is life. Rock bottom. 

The past few weeks have been truly horrendous for not just me but the people closest to me too. There is no feeling like not being able to help someone or knowing how to for that matter. Life can be hard, really, really hard and it feels like things will never get better. It's the classic case of people looking at me and not knowing the suffering that is happening and how I am praying that I will catch a break and things won't be so damn right hard. It has been one things after another for over a year now and there comes a point where I have to put my hands up and say I'm not coping, it's OK not to be OK. 

I want to thank those people who have been there for me recently, the people who I can be 100% honest with. The people that know the whole story as to why things feel so down right awful right now. You know who you are and you continue to be my guiding light in all of this.

When your in the depths of depression it's so hard to be able to see past it, to feel like things will get better. One look at my children and it's all taken away, maybe for a brief second or maybe for longer. I have said it a million times and I'll say it can they have no idea how much they keep me going. The moments where I lose myself belting out the Moana soundtrack, where I'm judging scooter races or where they are just in my arms and it feels like all is right with the world. Yes they can be hard work but life would be pretty boring if being a Mum was easy. 

I will continue to write about anxiety and I will continue to write about depression. I needed the past two weeks off from my blog to be present in my life and to be there for the people who needed me the most. Writing helps, it releases so much of how I am feeling so I feel like I can breath again. 

Right now Coldplay's fix you is playing as I'm writing this, seems like fate to me. I need to look after myself and get back to me again, I have done it before and I'll do it again. 

Monday, 4 September 2017

Back to school dread

As I write this its the day before Isabelle goes back to school and a wave of sadness has come over me, one that I can't seem to shake. It's been building up for the last week. As I have labelled her new uniform, as I have put her P.E kit back in it's bag and as Monday get's closer I'm not ready to lose her back to school yet.

There is no dread for Isabelle, she is so excited to go back and if she had it her way I'm sure there would be no half terms! This was our first summer holidays since she started last year and I feel like it went by in a flash. I did everything I could to make it the best possible but now it's over I find myself regretting certain aspects of it. Did we do enough? Did I let a lack of funds ruin it? Did I say no too much? Did I spend enough one on one time with her? Will all she remember be me asking her to stop fighting with her brother so many times. And of course none of these things matter it's just me over thinking as usual. 

When I actually sit and think about the past six weeks we did so much, more than I actually thought we would be able to do. I have to stop being so hard on myself I know. Isabelle's first year of school taught me that she does get so stressed and I wanted her to be able to have the best break possible. She doesn't even go back until tomorrow but I miss her already, my heart aches, how is that even possible and maybe it sounds a bit pathetic? 

The other aspect of this is that my social anxiety really hasn't missed the school runs and the awkward chats with other parents when I can't make conversation. I am determined though not to let this get to me too much this time round. I over think it far too much, I just need to be accepted for who I am and to stop trying to fight it. 

As much as I don't want tomorrow to happen I need to be thankful that Isabelle loves school as much as she does as this would be so much harder if she didn't. I need to embrace her passion and let some of it rub off on me I think. By the time this post goes up she will have done her first day back at school in year one and I will be hearing all about it. It's just breaking the routine for the six weeks of half term and then getting back into it again. 

Most of me knows that I just need to pull myself together, the rest of me however just wants to cuddle this little one and not let her go! Back to reality...........

Friday, 1 September 2017

A letter to you my boy on your 3rd birthday

Time seems to be going so fast and you have reached your third birthday even quicker than your sister did. I remember the day you were born so clearly and it really doesn't feel like three years have passed already. In the past year you have really come on in leaps and bounds. Your speech has gone from strength to strength and your definitely not a baby anymore.  You and your sister are a force to be reckoned with when your together and she is 100% your favourite one of us all. In the next few months as we head towards January I want to try and live in the moment with you as much as possible before you start pre-school. How is it nearly time for you to go already? 

You definitely have your toddler moments especially when you don't get your own way and we still need to work on your lack of danger awareness. The not looking before you cross a road really isn't good for Mummy's stress levels! You love nothing more than running around like crazy and it's a challenge to keep you entertained these days. Those blue eyes of yours mean you get away with practically everything, I see that carrying on into the future! You still love paw patrol, trains and everything construction related. You also enjoy walking round the house in your sisters shoes and wearing her nurses outfit. Your newest 'thing' is to give us a thumbs up when your finished telling us a story which is just hilarious. You also give the best cuddles and one of my favourite parts of this last year was when you started to say I love you back to me at bedtimes. 

I am finding it so hard to know I will lose you in a few months but I know it will be the absolute making of you. You make me laugh until I cry and I can't imagine life without you. Now if you could just work on the sleep side of things that would be great! 

Happy 3rd Birthday Charlie, Mummy loves you so so much xxx