Sunday, 31 December 2017

Goodbye 2017

As soon as I start to think about everything involved with 2017 I have to admit I feel so negatively towards it all. It has been so unbelievably hard. This time last year I wrote my post about 2016 and how I hoped it would be better but really 2017 has been the toughest of them all. 

We have struggled as a family in more ways than one and I would like to think it has made us stronger. Financially we are still not in a good place and every month is a worry. Week to week we have been lucky to have had a decent amount of time together as a family with Phill still working two jobs. Not seeing each other has put a huge strain upon us as a couple and on the children and I pray that 2018 is the year this changes, more than anything. 

It's been hard on all of us to see Phill so exhausted. It's hard for the children to understand why Daddy doesn't always want to play or go out on a bile ride but for most of the time Phill has risen above his tiredness so that the children know he is always there for them. It's hard for me as his wife to feel so helpless. I am unable to go back to work until Charlie is in primary school due to not being able to afford the childcare costs, so yes I do feel a lot of guilt. This is the number one priority on my list for 2018, we will be reunited as a family. 

Realising that Isabelle was struggling with over worrying for me has been the worst part of this year and it will carry on for the time being. We have a long wait on our hands to access the help that she needs and every day is still very difficult for her. 

My hopes for 2018 are very basic but they still feel so out of reach.

*To get Isabelle the help that she needs for her anxiety.
*For us to be financially stable.
*For Phill to just have one job, one that he deserves and is happy in.
*To make the effort to embrace the time we do have together as a family more.
*To use our National Trust membership more.
*To finally finish making our house a home.
*To take more pictures of us as a family.
*To really make a go of this blog.
*To continue to only surround myself with positive people.
*To make the best of tough situations that I would normally make myself ill over.
*To continue to learn how to live with anxiety.

I would like to find myself again in 2018 as right now I feel slightly lost. With Charlie starting pre school this week I suddenly find myself feeling anxious as to what I do with myself now. Yes I will always be a Mother but I feel like after nearly 6 years I am about to get some of my own personal life back and I have no idea what to do with it. I am finding losing Charlie to pre school so much harder than Isabelle and I think that is because I just don't no what I want to do with my life. 

All negativity aside looking at the pictures from this year just proves that we did have some amazing times. My children have to continued to remain the best of friends and have grown so much it's actually scary! Their bond is simply something that cannot be broken and for that I am unbelievably proud. Both of their birthday's were so special with Isabelle having her first proper party with all her school friends and Charlie getting to spend it with our family. The time we do have together as a family are even more special because of all the time apart and what I will take away from this year is that we faced so many challenges but we have come out of the other side still fighting.

If you have taken the time to read my blog, liked an Instagram post, sent me a message, followed me on Twitter or liked my Facebook page then just the biggest thank you. Your support in my first full year of blogging has meant so much to me, especially when sometimes this blog has been my only outlet for how I have felt at certain points this year. 

I would like to wish you all the happiest new year possible, full of amazing times, family, friends, laughter and love. See you in 2018!

1 comment:

  1. happy new year :)
    wishing you all love,peace,happiness,good luck and anything else your heart desires..