Monday, 4 December 2017

Mental Health Guest Post Series #5

Today's post is by Jess from Mrs Hible

How becoming a mum again has affected my mental health.

Becoming a mum is one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I’ve ever done. There are so many highs and lows. As well as the most rewarding and joyful moments. I am now a mummy of three we have two amazing sons and our gorgeous girlie sandwiched in the middle of them.
When we had our first 11 years ago I found it hard like many first time parents but nothing like what Ive experienced this third time around. It’s been a slow road to feeling like me again physically but more especially mentally.
My mental health has taken such a battering over the last year since I went on maternity leave when all my problems began and my mind started spiralling down a really dark path. I had never experienced anything like it before I was terrified of labour incase the worst happened to the baby but worse yet myself. Leaving my husband alone with our three most precious jewels. Labour was super horrific with our first little guy leading to theatre, me in the high dependency unit and blood transfusions. This was playing on my mind heavily. Added with the loneliness I started to feel after a month of maternity leave had started and the bustle of the festive period over. Also mix in the hormones whizzing around and a few pregnancy problems I was on a downward spiral.
That when our little guy finally arrived 13 days late I was utterly exhausted. Shocked that labour had happened so fast and I’d done it all by myself without any instruments compared to baby one and two. After birth I had a few issues with stitches that got infected, a funny skin infection on my breast but the saddest thing of all Edward wouldn’t breastfeed at all. I felt like a complete failure and that Edward really didn’t like me. When in fact that is totally irrational and he just found it hard to breastfeed for whatever reason. Looking back on this time it was most probably for the best that Edward didn’t take to breastfeeding as I wasn’t in the right headspace for him to totally rely on me every feed. Day and night. It really helped that my husband or his grandparents could help by giving him a bottle even his older siblings as it’s a nice way for us all to bond with him. If we were ever to have another baby in the future they would be bottle feed straight away without a second thought to try and stop the darkness of postnatal depression creeping in again.
I look back on Edwards newborn days with great sadness. As I feel robbed of feeling excited, happy, proud all the newborn feels. Instead they were days filled with stress, anxiousness, tears and counting down the hours till my hubby would walk through the door.
It took me a long time to ask for help or even admit my feelings out loud. Mental health problems are nothing to be ashamed about. It’s ok for you not to be ok. The most important thing is to get the help you need. Now our little guy is nearly nine months old which totally blows my mind. This last year has gone so fast. I’m in a lot better head space now. I have many more brighter days than dark days. Ive been back at work for a month now and although it’s hard putting on my work hat and leaving my little dude. I’m starting to feel like me again. Getting more of the old jess back each day. I’m looking forward to my littlest guys first Christmas and enjoying this special time with him.
Which I never thought I would be able to do the thought that I actually enjoy his company, and he fills my heart with so much love. Fills my eyes with happy tears as I never imagined our bond would come during those dark dark days
Thank you so much to Laura for letting me write this guest post about becoming a mum has affected my mental health. Please do go seek help if your are going through the same.
Until next time

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